Oscar Live Blog

You didn't think the Oscars could go by without a live blog, did you?! The broadcast was about 4 billion minutes long and I got tired towards the end, but I still think some good material was recorded.

It's time for the third installment of !@$# My Wife Says! Tonight, it's the Oscar edition. This should go well.

"I'm actively ignoring Stacey Kiebler."

"What's wrong with her lips? See, everything looks normal ...but...look at her lips!"

"Natalie Portman! I love her! Where's your baby?! What's her real last name? Goldenheimer? Chutzpah? I'll look it up. Hershlag, it's Hershlag."

"Brian (Grazer)! What happened to your hair?! He looks like Willy Wonka got electrocuted!"

"Am I the only one annoyed that Justin Bieber has his own fragrance? I mean, it doesn't even smell like him."

"Don't mess this up, Billy. Oh, look. They made his mini-microphone 'invisible' on the front of his shirt."

"This needs subtitles."

"How do you get the job of seat-filler? Do you have to have a really big butt? Or just be really good at sitting? I'm pretty good at sitting. Maybe you have to be a professional couch potato."

"Equus? Wasn't that the play where Harry Potter's schlong was hanging out?"

"I was so nervous when I saw Apollo 13 in the theaters."

"Don't drink before presenting, Cameron (Diaz)!"

"Brad should change his last name to Jolie-Pitt. I'm going to change my last name to Jolie-Pitt."

Jen: "Hey, look, it's Yo-Yo Ma!"
Aaron: "No, it's not. Just because a person is Asian and has a stringed instrument does not mean that they are Yo-Yo Ma."
Jen: "Is it weird that I used to think Yo-Yo Ma was a rapper?"

"What is with Bradley Cooper? He can sit down. He can be a professional seat-filler."

"Is how to pronounce 'Scorsese' still up in the air?"

"Is that Conan O'Brien? Is that Chris Kattan?" (no, it was neither)

"I think instead of 'Cirque de Soleil' it should be called 'Junk on Display'."

"She looks scary. Her cheekbone just cut me." (Angelina Jolie)

"What's wrong with flowing-sleeves drummer girl?"